Sweet Desperation

As I think of where I am right now... at this precise moment as I look to the new year with hope, and anticipation....

I realize in some ways ... I'm not happy.

and I think the reason I'm not a 110% happy?

I feel that creatively ... I'm stunted. God gave me a gift, one solid gift. I can write . thats really the only thing that I can honestly say I have ever been great at, is the written word. I live and breathe books, they are just a part of my soul. I could never imagine my life without books, the crisp book smell as I enter a bookshop is pretty much my heroin.

the problem I'm having? I have been trying and failing to attempt to write my book... the book I have been attempting to write for the last 6 years.... is pretty much still there and not written.

Nothing would make me happier then to find a job where I can express my thoughts , opinions and just write about topics that interest me.... if i could do that full time and get paid? well hell I would be the happiest duck in the world.

I think I'm more at a lost on knowing what I want.... but yet not knowing how to start to get where I want to be

I'm sure you guys are looking at this and thinking "this bitch is fucking crazy" I'm sure its something all 22 year olds go through when they try to make their mark in the world

at least thats what I hope....

Well as many bloggers out there are doing around this time., they are writing what they have learned this last year. all the hardships, all the joy in a neat little blog package

I decided to be lame as well and do the same. pretty much a freeze frame on my life for a split second ,recap it , and savor it like a fine wine and write down my hopes and dreams for the new year.

Things that have changed me and my life as I know it in 2009

• I have found my wonderful boyfriend stu, who changes me for the better every single day . before him I was definitely ms. grumples... now not so much.
• I discovered rachel ray, and thus have cooked more this year than any other time in my life.
• because of my large amount of cooking, I have gained at least 10 pounds... urgh it could be the wine too
• I discovered my loveeeee <3>julie and julia the movie changed my life... hatttted the book.
• I discovered taoism, and I owe it all to that silly ole bear winnie the pooh.

basically. best year of my life. I have never laughed, loved, ate , drank, and just been as happy and as healthy as I have felt this last year... I honestly feel that the extra weight gain... was alll worth it.

but its all over folks, 2010 is still going to be year of awesome but with some major differences.....

well the only change will be the loss of my 10 pounds of "happiness" with the help of my dad's trusty new treadmill.

other than that I hope its exactly like this year... exactly.

so today was a important day in the life of kendra


she got contacts finally. I only had glasses since I've been 5 . and now I'm 22 and have finally gotten them...

and its interesting, being able to see without my beautiful, snazzy spectacles.... my eyes have yetto fully accustom themselves to them.

I think I'm most amazed at being able to touch my eyeballs.. no small feat let me tell you.

but there is one... solitary thing, that has me jumoing for joy.


sunglasses! any kind of a sunglasses I could possibly want at my finger tips!!! it sends shivers down my spine let me tell you. lol

so heres a new fun fact about the craziness that is kendra

I want all you bloggers out there to know that I am OBSESSED to the extreme... about Rachel Ray.... well not THAT obsessed.. like not stalker obsessed but to the point where if I was ever to meet her a slight girlie squel might escape my early 20 lips.

anywho I have recently become the very proud owner of her cookbook top tens (and I have no doubt in my mind that I will be getting at least another one as a gift for christmas) and have started to cook my way through it.

I have cooked thus far.... sweet and dour pineapple pork(was a little tough, next time i may just use pork strips ), and the 15 minute bean and tomator soup (took wayy longer then a good 15).... but yes so far so good

this by no way means, that this is turning into a rendition of the "Julie and Julia Project" lets face it folks.... been there done that.

but it is something I plan to do, so I'll keep you all posted and what not.

I havent felt this inspired in a longggg time.... it feels good to be motivated again.

well its friday
and its finally started to snow here in good ole canada!!! ( yes folks, we arent always covered in a soft layer of the white stuff)

anywhoo fridays make me exstatic... you want to know why?

I'll tell you why.... pj pants.. wine.... movies . can we say hibernation time?

I'm so excited for it to be cold, I'm so excited for this weekend and having absolutely NOTHING planned. just to clean, sleep and be lazy.

its been a long time coming, summer pretty much exhausted me to the fullest, enough to the point where i'm too tired to even paint, cook or write in my blog anymore.... or as much as I use to anyways . another reason could be that im exhausted at my drone of a job, selling autoparts to the masses worrying from one moment to the next on whether or not I may be let go because of a eerily warm winter. maybe both?

I'm hoping that this weekend will help revamp my energy to the point where I can start doing the stuff for ME again....

I currently am off to a GREAT start, glass of merlot sitting next to me, some ufc throwdown on the tele (btw who names their kid bubbabalou? like really?) and am about to watch a christmas movie with the love of life.

sounds like something out of a twisted fairy tale. <3