Sweet Desperation

do you ever have that feeling... that feeling that you arent who you use to be anymore, that the way you were isnt what you are... anymore.

I have just been feeling lately, that with some of my friends, I just dont have the same interests anymore. Like I just dont feel like going out and getting trashed every weekend, and meeting guys and being crazy.

I know they mean well, and I know they dont try and intentionally hurt my feelings when they make fun of the way I am now... but it does sting. They go off on tangents making fun of the fact that me and my boyfriend are like an old married couple, how we do crosswords together, or play crib together or just chill out. They make fun of the fact that I dont party as much as I use to anymore,.

I just hurts, I guess no matter how old you become, you want to feel accepted by your friends... you want their approval.

Maybe the real reason is that I sometimes don think some of my friends are happy for me, that I found someone I love and want to spend my life with.... I dunno.

the problem is I love myself... I love where I am right now. I love being "old" with stu, I love just being myself. I love just doing domestic things, I dont want or need to go out dancing and getting drunk to make myself feel good.

I guess what my friends dont know, is the girl that use to be fun and a good time, wasnt a happy girl. Wasnt a girl that was o.k. with herself. That girl wanted to be that girl she is now.

I guess theres no turning back, theres no second glances, theres no apologies.

I guess if they are my true friends they'll stick around, old lady or not. Only time will tell

But like Meredith told Derek on Grey's Anatomy, "I make no apologies for the way I repaired myself"

you tell it sista. lol