Sweet Desperation

so last night I had a dream....

it was the first great dream I have had in a long time, its the first dream I have had since moving in with stu that wasnt a nightmare..... and it was about my ex best friend lisa

I dreamnt that she lived right next to me, and that we were talking about everything that has happened since we ended our friendship, which I couldnt even tell you why she decided to hate me, and leave the friendship its been 4 years... and the reason has been forgotten how silly is that?

truth is, I miss her... alor, everyday its a little piece of my heart isntthere because she isnt there. we use to be the best of friends, she would tell me everything and I her...

then I left on katimavik , and I think she felt I was abandoning her. which wasnt the case. i need to leave, to find myself, to find whatever it was that I needed to find

and I did. katimavik taught me so much about life, love, friendship, comprimise. because of katimavik I found caitlin(another best friend)... I just really wish I hadnt of lost lisa.

I know I should of written , phoned more...... the phone works both ways, I know she thinks I wasnt there for her, and its true I wasnt.

I just miss her..... I miss my friend..... its been 4 years.... and it still hurts. how d you get over that? I dont think you do, I think you just learn to live with the pain, to the point where it numbs enough to be able to function.

I emailed her tonight.... I told her I missed her, I decided to reopen the lines of communication, I'm going to make a effort to bring her back into my life. I just hope shes as open....

I know theres still something to save.. I know there is .