Sweet Desperation

so my boyfriend and i did it.... we applied for our first apartment together. it has been a nerve racking week, looking at all these places,,, but we finally put in an application... we have put ourselves out there.....

o.k. so we most likely will be rejected... since apparently the rental agency has rejected the last 6 applicants. .... but hey who knows right?

though we are so unprepared for it that if we do get accepted we are going to be severely broke for the next little while. until we begin a normal rent routine , since if we get pocession for october 1st we will have to pay first months rent there , and at the place we are currently living in too..... not to mention everything else... but we can do it. It will just take a big bite out of my savings and what not. but together... its managable.

I'm so nervous, I would really like this place its totally redone, new appliances (the fridge is just gorgeous), new carpet, and newly painted walls (the girl who lived in it before went crazy and wrote all over the walls and floor in black permanent marker) and it as a balcony so we could do crazy awesome bbqing. not too mention its about 6 blocks away from my parents ... another even bigger bonus. so will see.


fingers crossed folks

long time no talk!!!

So last night I went to see my beloved keith urban play, for those of you that dont listen to country music, he is a very hunky austrailian man who plays the guitar like a rebel and sings like an dove.

this is besides the point.... lets get back on topic

So me and my friend chelsea, go there and head up to our seats (we are section 319.. so we areeeee wayyyyyyyyyyyyyy up there) and sit down. just before the the opening act starts up, six 15 year old girls come up and sit rightttt in front of of us. okay whatever, good times for them. they were happy to be there.

So the opening act starts up, and all of a sudden what do these annoying adolescent brats do? they stand up and start dancing, completely blocking everyone behind them from seeing anything of the band or concert . Everyone starts yelling at them to sit down, they didnt.

me and my friend tried to be the smart ones and talk to them.... so we are like "hey look , there is an elderly lady sitting right next to us she is unable to stand and would like to see the show, could you just please sit down and let the other people see"..... to this we got the reply of " I can do whatever the fuck I want, I paid for this seat, its a fuckin concert your allowed to dance blah blah blah"

well that did it, I almost lost it on thisa young girl, but being the mature 22 year old that I am with a few (if not many) years of experience more then her, my friend and I decided to take the higher road and leave, because I wasnt going to sit there and watch 15 year old girls think they can dance, no matter how I paid for this ticket.

so us being livid, we decided to go to the ticket booth and see if we could exchange or do anything about this , and low and behold, there was! the guy upgraded our tickets for us for 10 bucks and now we were in section 118!!!! riggggggght in front of stage just in time to see the gorgeous keith take the stage.

karama happens.

have you ever felt like your coasting?..... that your waiting for things to happen, to move forward in a different way.

thats the way I feel right now, thats the way I think me and my boyfriend feel.

we are in this waiting stage , waiting to see what life will bring. we are planning to move out and get our own place in spring, until then we are stuck in an apartment with 3 people, among this are job offers out of provinces, promtions etc that basically have our heads spinning in every direction

when it will stop , no one knows .

but my nature is normally an impatient one, aso Im about to tear my hair out. I just cant wait for these things to happen, I find goals and I strive for them , like no body's business.

but this I cant get to any faster.... i have to sit it out through winter.... and wait for spring.

on a sideeee note. I'm kind of excited for winter... I'm in desperate need of a vacation from summer vacation

in total :
3 weddings
1 baby shower
1 wedding shower
2 family reunions
5 birthdays...

I've had about enough social gatherings... *sigh* bring on the snow and minus 50 Celius weather.

so me and my man have been stressing about money today.

it seems like the bills keep pilling up and there isnt enough money to go around

one of our goals we want to accomplish by next summer, is thatwe want to move out in our own place, but first the visa needs to be paid off, his car needs to paid off pretty much a billion things need to be paid off

it makes you want to suffocate just a little

worst thing is if we are willing to move awayt north and work there we could easily make enough money to buy a house, pay off our debt and live well.... but i cant imagine leaving my family. is that wrong?

is it wrong to choose happiness over security? i dont think so, I dont feel its even a question. i would rather have 2 dollars to my name and be happy then have a 100,00 grand and be alone in the north, cold with no friends.

maybe im just being selfish.... maybe im not? i dont know.

my thoughts arent my own right now.

well..... its been a few days since my last entry,

and in all honesty I dont think it was a great entry to tell you the truth . no thought was really put into it, but it told a little bit about my life.... and sometimes thats just as good

well since none of you out there in the blogger world know this... tomorrow is my twin and I's 22nd birthday.... yaya on all counts .

it weird sharing your birthday with something , but twindom is more then just birthdays. ... you share EVERYTHING. right down to clothes and make up.

its not something you plan to happen, you dont go into the mall and buy stuff for yourself thinking that you abd your twin will share this... it just happens.

in each set of twins theres a submissibe twin (gives into everything) and then theres the dominant twin (gets her way all the time)

for the longest time everyone thought that because I was the more outgoing twin, that I was the dominant one... NOT TRUE. she is totally the dominant one . anything she asks for I automatically give her. and its not even that I WANT to give her everything, its like a compulsion, like I can not not give her something, before I even think im already reaching for whatever she wants. its ridiculously hard to say no to her. though not impossible.

its crazy how central she is to my life, its crazy how attached she is to my very soul. I have never been alone, since I have always had her to be there.

the best thing in the world was to be able to sit next to my sister on graduation day and walk across the stage together... that memory is cemented in my heart. its something that I treasure all the time

and as we both go on our own path, wherever life takes us i know she will be there . a constant in my life. so I know i truely will never be alone.

and thats a comforting thought.

happy birthday kali... happy birthday to us. I love you more than you will ever know.

so this weekend, me and the boy went out camping with a bunch of his fellow gentlemen, and let me tell you what.. a ... weekend.

so we go out to lilac resort and we get all set up, and what not. the first night we were there it was awesome, good times at te hotubs, water slides, drinking, listening to the boys jam. great night.

Saturday, same thing. it was beautiful and hot and me and Stuart just had a great time, paddle boating and pretending to be pirates as we stole our other friends booze as we all paddle boat in this lovely marsh.

that night was a pretty decent AC/Dc cover band and a wiked huge bonfire...... then all hell broke loose.

As soon as I tried to lay down to get some sleep, the heat stroke took over, and I became so sick that stu had to drive me back to the city because I didnt think I would last another day of it.

so I then crashed at my parents as stu, went back out to enjoy the rest of the day, I proceeded to watch adventureland... and sulk

which I did quite gracefully.

this weekend was eventful... but the good parts were so good, i would trade the bad ones for them ...


truth be told I was lilac'd..... hard.

After another agonizing day at selling automotive parts to old men and grouchy ladies, and coming home and finding myself thinking of the song by sugarland where she quits her 9 to 5 job to live life..... its pretty..... depressing

I mean, literally the thought that goes through my head is.... is this as good as its going to get? is the only thing I'm suitable for, is a dc order desk?

I paid 8 grand for a college education for this?

I mean dont get me wrong, I adore the people I work with, and my boss is the best. and the people I talk to give me a laugh. but seriously, I'm only 22 years old , I have more motivation then that. and the only room to grow with the company is to wait for someone to move out or retire, so pretty much to advance from my present position, I have to wait 15 years for someone to retire. good fun. I had more dreams then this , and I just feel that I will never get something better.

I'm so fustrated and I'm stagnant. which makes me even more fustrated .


urghhh....

today I took my mom out for dinner for her 30th wedding anniversary since my dad was out of town.

and it made me realized how blessed i am that my parents are still together. my parents are in a minority group of people . Over half of all couples that get married end up in divorce, thankfully I was not an offspring of these broken homes

I could never pick one parent over the other, thats impossible both my parents bring such positives to the marriage and family as well as cons, that they are equally important.

my mom is the anchor we all depend on her to keep the family together, to be our finiancial advisor extrodinaire. our mom is the one that you tell your secrets too. and then she proceeds to keep them from my father, in her little vault of a heart

my father, is a giver. he is the one us children depend on if we need a little help with something. 20 bucks here, loaning of the truck there. my father bought us kids used cars for christmas, instead of a brand new one for himself. he is the strongest man i have ever known. and he is selfless.

both my parents have given everything for their family, my dad and mother both worked two jobs each for most of our childhoods. to provide a life for us. we moved 6 times in my 22 years of life, so that we could have a little more money in our pockets. both of my parents are two halves a great team. thats what makes a marriage work

loves important sure, but its the commitment involved. its also the compatibility of those two people, and how they work together. they also need to be best friends, and trust each other. \

thats how a marriage work. trust and constant communication.

my parents are a living example of that. of that struggle.

yup, i thank god every day that I'm not a statistic.