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Thursday, October 15, 2009
so I have entered into a state of reflection and contemplation and I hope that eventually when I finally get out of it.... that I will be a better more positive person
one of the big faults that i have , is that I have a hard time forgiving myself for the horrible things I have done to the people I love .Its like i save up all these negative things that I have down, and carry them on my back like a back pack and punish myself every day for what I have done. even when the people that i have done things to, knowing what I have done to them have forgiven me .
why cant I forgive myself? I think its because I expect so much more of myself . I expect the best of me, I want my friends and family and boyfriend to think that of me
and my worst fuckin fear is that my friends will find out the horrible things I have done, and then look down on me for them. I mean the things I have done are not so horrible, I mean most are little things, things that really dont matter
all I know is that I have to get rid of this bagage. I need to unload and soon or fear that i will never be able to be happy, that I will never believe I deserve to be happy...
its all just so much to live up to.
2 comments:
If they are your true friends, they'll stick with you. Past is past. Say what you want to unburden yourself. It's important. If it's that horrible for you to say or for them to hear, it will pass It will pass...like when it happened to me...
Cheers! :)
P.S. Your comments box is so small, I can't find the button after word verification. I tried posting this several times... It will help if you just pop your comments out to a new window. =)
You are what you are and that's all that you are.
The past is the past. Let it go, let it die, or else it will haunt you forever. You aren't your mistakes. Your friends will understand because they're friends with YOU, not your past, not the things you've done.
I wish you the absolute best. Let me know what comes of this.
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