Sweet Desperation

As I think of where I am right now... at this precise moment as I look to the new year with hope, and anticipation....

I realize in some ways ... I'm not happy.

and I think the reason I'm not a 110% happy?

I feel that creatively ... I'm stunted. God gave me a gift, one solid gift. I can write . thats really the only thing that I can honestly say I have ever been great at, is the written word. I live and breathe books, they are just a part of my soul. I could never imagine my life without books, the crisp book smell as I enter a bookshop is pretty much my heroin.

the problem I'm having? I have been trying and failing to attempt to write my book... the book I have been attempting to write for the last 6 years.... is pretty much still there and not written.

Nothing would make me happier then to find a job where I can express my thoughts , opinions and just write about topics that interest me.... if i could do that full time and get paid? well hell I would be the happiest duck in the world.

I think I'm more at a lost on knowing what I want.... but yet not knowing how to start to get where I want to be

I'm sure you guys are looking at this and thinking "this bitch is fucking crazy" I'm sure its something all 22 year olds go through when they try to make their mark in the world

at least thats what I hope....